People often turn relationships into complicated dramas. I’m not usually talking about the kind of events that spice things up for both people either, I’m talking about the dramas that often signal trouble in paradise. It’s something that I have always failed to understand how people can so myopic towards what they have in front of them, until I realised that what I sought for in a relationship, isn’t entirely the same as what other people look for in theirs.
Sometimes I forget that people in general have an almost insatiable need to distract themselves and run away from the things that matter, especially when what matters can scare the living daylights out of them. It’s not something that can be blamed on people’s choices either. After all, it’s hard to ignore that people are emotional creatures and we put a lot of stock into what we feel into the choices that we make, and no choice more emotionally invested than one bonded by love.
I used to think that, when you find a person that you love, that you’re willing to open up to and devote yourself to, that you do so because you’re happy to be where you are. This sentiment is of course shared by everyone looking to find or are in a relationship. Over time though, I began to realise that happiness is such a fleeting emotion. You’re happy to be somewhere in your life for once, then you realise that happiness isn’t enough. You can’t pay the bills with it, or put a roof over your head, or put clothes over your back with it. As much as you can be happy in a relationship, you will have to face the certain reality that you will go to tough times and they are never happy moments.
Maybe that’s where a lot of relationships go wrong in life. People grow up with the idea that in finding the one you love, you’ll find happiness that will last you a lifetime. It doesn’t help that Hollywood tends to churn out stories that make people believe that love is happiness and happiness can be forever, but most people look into a relationship, the question that burns through their minds will always be “Can I find happiness here?”, and when they get into the first spot of unhappiness, they begin to run away, trying to find something else, even another relationship that can keep them smiling in the face of a reality that they hate. People are unhappy when they find that relationships don’t bring them the happiness they want. Then again, they are not supposed to.
Relationships are not meant to make you happy. They are meant to make you complete. Your happiness, is still your own responsibility to bear.
Relationships are meant to give you the parts that you can never have on your own. If you’re going to be new-age-y about it, it’s about finding the yin to your yang. That completeness, whether it be built over the time spent discovering one another, or if you’re extremely lucky, find someone who complements you right off the bat, is what makes our world go round. It makes us feel like we’re capable of anything, and why shouldn’t it be that way? After all, when you know you have someone there to watch over things you cannot handle, when you know that there is so much more to life than you knew by just being yourself, how can you not be capable of anything?
That is what relationships should be about. Not the transient feeling of happiness, but the realisation that two imperfect people can create a beautiful, if not perfect whole. Whether you choose to find happiness from there, is still your choice, but it’s not going to be something given to you when you find someone you love. It has always been something you create. Whether you choose to create that happiness with the the person that completes your life, is a responsibility that rests solely on your shoulders.